Thoughts Regarding Thinking

I can't think in the morning. It isn't a function of it being early or me being not awake or anything like that. It's just that after sunrise, I find myself incapable of forming complete and whole thoughts. Early morning should be the time when I find some inspirational music and play it as loud as I can in an effort to jumpstart my brain. Of course, dorm life preempts this morning ritual. And headphones just aren't the same.

I've been doing a lot of thinking. This goes with my temperamental depression which has flared up in the last week or so. It's not that I'm particularly depressed about anything. It's just a general depression that is conducive to creative thought.

Most of my thinking has been about time. I just turned 20 and I can't help but feel the gears of time grinding on my nerves. I realize that I'm not supposed to feel old until at least 45 and probably not even till 60 but at the same time I can't help but feel that things will only go downhill from here. Simultaneously, I realize that I am supposed to be looking forward to 21 and the ability to drink alcohol but I really don't. This, in turn, makes me feel older than the majority of my somewhat giddy peers who do look forward to their 21^st birthday bashes.

It all boils down to me not enjoying my 20^th at all. Thanks to everyone who wished me well. You really were the only bright spot in a terrible day.

Kate and Aaron should get special thanks for cheering me up beyond measure and getting me through the day. Much love.

Muah!
Lyrinoir