Bodies in Motion

From an objective point of view, things are going quite well. Systematically speaking... well... I quote from W.B. Yeats:

“Things fall apart; the center cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world.”

I don't think it is possible to have a more ominous beginning to a school year. I haven't gotten to the point where I want to give up and quit right now, but I can see the potential in the future.

Now I'm the first to admit that I have a bit of superstitious streak. Reality has conspired against me one two many times in the past few years for me not to be. And it's hard to ignore a line up like what has been dropped in my lap.

I'm really not at liberty to discuss all of what's happened, because a surprising amount of it didn't happen to me, but I still feel as if I'm in the center of Yeats' circle, waiting for the world to unravel around me.

It is a sequence of events that starts far away and creeps closer, unraveling order as it goes. Bodies in motion and the like. I guess, it would be wrong to say that it is the world conspiring against you. More as if you have found yourself in the center of a web that was spun for wholly different reason but sees no problem picking you up and going on it's merry way.

There is nothing more belittling than realizing that you are not at the center of a plot, but rather, just a hapless passerby who ended up in the eye of a hurricane.

More later
Lyrinoir

Acting

I've been acting for years. Not just on the stage, but in everyday life. That really shouldn't come as much of a surprise. We all do it. Constantly. Even to ourselves sometimes. The fact of the matter is that no single person can feel comfortable being themselves in front of someone else. Simple and happy people have one or two personae that are very similar to their root self.

People who view themselves to be complicated, and who tend to be unhappy, have dozens of selves that can stand in for any conceivable situation. I consider myself in the latter category. Part of why we act is because we enjoy it. Deception is power. Power over the minds of others, and despite legions of radicals and hippies proclaiming otherwise, there is nothing more coveted by humans than power. So when I pretend to be the happy, almost sickeningly gay self that I use for most social interactions, it is because I enjoy tricking people into thinking that that facade is me.

Fear represents the other primary reason for acting. Fear of rejection or abandonment. I've never considered myself very prone to this particular fear, but I'd be foolish to believe that it isn't there. We all, as social creatures, need companionship and friendship some of the time, but when you tailor every facet of your persona to fit every situation and combination of people, it's easy to hold on to friends.

I act, because I enjoy it. Not just for the rush of power as you tailor your personal reality to match that of another, but for that feeling that I get when I tap into another aspect of my whole. I prefer to see the mass of tangled fakes and lies as a network. Together they make up the whole of my persona, that just happens to have more sides than a well cut diamond.

I don't think it is my place to tell people that this is a bad thing or a good thing. I do it. You do it. Everyone does it. The varying degrees that this is true define us just as much as anything else does. But I do find it amusing that those people who tell me they 'can't act' are generally the people who put on the biggest facades when their out with their friends.

Muah!
Lyrinoir