Reset

So it's been a while since I put typeface to digital screen and a lot has happened, both good and bad. And I find I don't really care. Between drama, random moments of drunkenness and school there is just too much crap going on for me to even think about focusing on the past. That being said, I am stuck reliving the past two months or so, trying to pin down when things got crazy.

This shouldn't make any sense at all. And it doesn't. The fact is, that despite my positive attitude, everything that could have possibly gone wrong, did. And now I have to pick up the pieces. I've been trying to condense my thoughts on this for a few days now but every time I start one of these I either end up crying or lose track of where I was going.

I've noticed that while a person can go for many years without a relationship of any significant value, once you start one, they have a horrible tendency to crop up one after another. In my case, it's been a downhill trend. End one and something else happens. Nothing can be simple.

Of course, not all is doom and gloom. We're rapidly approaching the end of the school year and the projects and tests are lurking around the corner to stomp on my face, but for the moment, I have a brief reprieve from school stress. If I was smart, I'd be working on my next lighting project but, as I have mentioned, I'm not terribly good at being smart right now.

I am currently in extreme emotional and physical pain. Emotional for the obvious reasons and physical because I have come down with a nasty bug. I'm really tired of hurting. Everyone feels pain throughout their lives. Some people ignore it and can still function. Others use friends and family to dull the ache and keep moving on. I use my pain to help others get through theirs. But I don't have anyone to help me get through mine. Or, more accurately, I reject help from others because I don't talk about my problems.

I've been incredibly stupid. I owe a number of people apologies. I need to make up with others. And I need to open my eyes for once and remember just how many people are worried about me. How many people care.

This will be the last entry for a while. Maybe the rest of the school year. I need to work through things and stop being so dark. Or all you'll read here is this depressive shit.

Lyrinoir